The Greenhouse Effect: God's Blanket

Recently, my church had a special guest speaker who warned our congregation on the sins of global warming. I hope to share some of his wisdom in this, my first post. I won't be long in introductions, this will be a short read, but i do hope u enjoy this short speech and the other posts to come. And now for the speech, copied as accurately as my memory would allow. “For years we have lived in the cold recesses of this demonic world, this liberal playground, but no more will we succumb to the whims of compassion and mercy. God, thy merciful Lord, has seen fit to redeem us from such a fate. How, you ask. The answer lies at your feet, my friends. More to the point, the answer is soaking your feet in a tepid bath of glacial ice and polar crystal. God is freeing us from the icy dominion of the White Witch of the North. He is laying a blanket of warmth across the world to cure our communist infection, our terror induced chills. With this blanket of God’s love, disgustingly termed by the liberals as the climate “crisis,” new areas will open up to the ideas of capitalism and democracy. Older areas, however, who do not share our passion for freedom will be punished for their loss of faith. Places like Miami and California will be put into a watery grave. And I say good riddance. Praise God for his love. He is removing the cold chains of a liberal slavery. He is freeing our snow encased brethren from an icy oppression.
But some of you seem dismayed. I know of a recent rumor heralding this “trend” as the beginning of the end. You whisper in fear this terrible truth, because that is what it is my flock. No doubt is in my mind, God has had thoughts of ending us and these are just the precursors to a much harsher castigation. God is turning up the dial on the cosmic oven. I’ll be damned if he isn’t trying to smoke us out. But I know these tricks, these divine tests. Do not stray, do not give in. Refrain from listening to your liberal neighbors as well. If they tell you to conserve energy, to carpool, to wash with cold water, simply turn the other cheek and say be gone devil. Don’t conserve, go out and buy three new gas powered generators and run them 24/7. Don’t carpool, buy American trucks and SUVs. Don’t wash with cool water, use scalding water laced with as much bleach as possible. Wait, that would be a waste. Poor the bleach down the nearest drain to the sea. I beg you to buy Al Gore’s book, as many copies as possible, and burn them in city squares and town halls. That’ll show ‘em. We are doing God’s work people.
And now, Brother Bush will lead us in the ceremonial burning of the Kyoto Protocol.”